Are My Homeschoolers Sheltered From “Real Life”?

Aren't homeschoolers sheltered?

Homeschool parents have to answer this question often, asked by someone skeptical of whether parents "know what they're doing" in teaching their children. This question, and variations upon it, seems to be a constant reminder of what the public at large has been conditioned to believe.

For more than 100 years, society has also been conditioned to believe that children must go to a school where a certified teacher bestows knowledge upon them. There, they are also taught to interact with other children their own age, deal with bullies, sex, drugs, and violence, and learn to grow up to be good, decent people, not scarred for life.

Did I say conditioned? Yep. I did. You see, we have been taught that the only way children can learn proper social skills is by going to school, surrounded by people of their own age. Because in the real world, we only have friends of our own age so school tries to replicate that, because they're the experts, right?

Wrong.

As adults, most of us have horror stories about our school years. We remember all the awful things that the other kids did, and probably have some guilt ourselves. We think about how little Johnny went out on a drug binge and died of an overdose.

Would these things have happened if we had all been homeschooled? Perhaps ... But perhaps not. Chances are, had little Johnny been homeschooled, his parents would likely have spotted problems sooner - if they had even had a chance to progress to becoming problems.

We homeschoolers watch the news, we see the rampant bullying, the student suicide rate rising as a result, the pressure children are under to perform, and we have asked the question: "Why should I send my innocent little one into that battle zone?"

This question is typically met with disbelief, shock, and dismay at our audacity to call "school" a battle zone. Then comes the inevitable response, "Why are you sheltering your children? They need to learn to deal with real life sooner or later."

And yes, adulthood is no picnic. But childhood should be spent in exploration and learning, not being forced to deal with situations in which they lack the emotional and social tools with which to appropriately handle the situation.

A nine-year old has a far different response to bullying than would an adult; the adult can generally walk away and tell that bully to take a hike. The nine-year old though, will probably take the bullying to heart. The things that the bully will say and do will haunt them. We see this in the news with alarming regularity: children committing suicide because of bullying experienced at school or on social media.

Children!!

When they cannot get help they need from the adults they trust, or are simply afraid to ask, they lose their sense of self-worth. They feel as though no one cares about them; that they are alone. They do not have the experience of life's years that would give them the tools to handle this.

But why would this happen? The school is filled with teachers and staff who are trained to prevent this bullying, or deal with it appropriately should it occur. They should be able to deal with the bully, and discipline him or her appropriately.

Remember those news stories?

The zero-tolerance agenda in schools has made it so that the children being bullied cannot fight back without getting in trouble themselves. Because they are the ones seen pushing back (if they do), the victim is victimized yet again while the bully goes free in many cases.

The schools who do try to deal with the bullies are so over crowded that there aren't enough eyes on the kids. There are perhaps 6 staff members on the playground for 100-200 children. That is not enough supervision for children who still need to be taught to be gentle and kind; who still need to be reminded that other children hurt inside when they are treated harshly. We know how brutal children can be - it's our duty to teach them empathy, kindness and respect. These lessons are better learned in the home than they are in the schoolyard.

Why do I want my children subjected to that?

I don't. I'm sure that parents truly don't either, but they have been taught that toughness forged in the schoolyard, on their own, is preferable to learning it with gentle guidance from parents whom adore them.

We have been brainwashed into thinking that we are incapable of teaching our own children, and that sending our kids away for strangers to teach is a good thing. We have also been brainwashed into thinking that schoolyard bullying will teach toughness. It won't. It will create coldness, and a placid lack of concern for suffering of others.

It is this lack of concern that allows people to think it's alright to video someone in a moment of sheer terror while they are mugged; because it's better that someone else suffer than they; and because if they can witness someone else's misery, then they can feel just a little better about themselves.

Bullying happens - denying this fact doesn't change it; nor does punishing the victim for defending himself.

Am I sheltering my children by homeschooling?

I certainly hope so. With me, they experience the world in ways that are safe, wholesome, and promote strength without coldness, and gentleness without weakness. They have the chance to interact with many people of many different ages. They learn that playing with younger children is different than paying with older children; they learn that old people have the best stories; and that talking to each age group has slightly different rules. They learn this because they are homeschooled. They are comfortable in their own skins, and they empathize with people when they are hurting.

Yes, my kids are sheltered. They are happy, well adjusted, and they even bully each other. The difference is that I can bring them up in front of me and deal with the problem; teach them properly how to deal with issues. They are disciplined very nearly immediately for bad behavior, so that hopefully, they don't do it out in the world, when i am not to watch. Correcting bad behavior when it happens is vital, and it is but one of many reasons I keep them home.

8 thoughts on “Are My Homeschoolers Sheltered From “Real Life”?

  1. We’re Christian and I had a cousin once tell me that I’m wrong to homeschool my kids because they should be “the light of the world” in public school. I disagree. Yes, as Christians I do believe we should spread the “light of Christ” but I don’t think children are old enough to have the responsibility. I say let them grow and make their “light” stronger, THEN let them go out into this harsh world when they’re ready and fully equipped to handle the troubles it brings. And that’s what I’m doing with my kids! Preparing them.

    • I’ve heard that argument as well – my husband is also Christian and says that a light can only stay bright with the right hand guiding it.

      When our kids are thrown into the world too early, they find their own way, but I think it becomes more of a “Lord of the Flies” effect than a positive one. So…yes. we shelter them until they are strong enough to fly free, strong, and with love in their hearts because it is our duty as parents.

  2. Rosa Jo says:

    The crazy thing is many teachers don’t care about protecting children from bullying, even when they do spot it. They can get very uncomfortable, wanting to pretend it doesn’t exist–perhaps they’re afraid of the bullies themselves, I don’t know. I’ve witnessed it first-hand both as a student and as a parent, and as a substitute teacher. Boy, am I glad I now to get to shelter my kids!
    My son was probably only “mildly” bullied–he didn’t speak the language fluently at first, then had an American accent, and on top of that had long beautiful hair and a very kind personality, so he was frequently teased and left out. I regret those 3 years of public school because he was such a fearless and carefree child going in at age 8, and emerged quite a different person; more self-conscious and uninterested in making new friends, which used to come so easily for him!

    Bullying certainly happens outside of school, too, unfortunately, since the bullies tend to bring their behavior with them everywhere. Even though I couldn’t shelter my other, younger son from it (he wouldn’t allow me to interfere when I’d see it through my kitchen window), I can only imagine that it was minimal in severity compared to what might have played out in a school setting. Bullying not only damages our emotional well-being, but can seriously impede learning. I skipped school probably half the time during the year I was bullied.

  3. Celia G says:

    We sent our then 17 year old daughter on a teen travel program overseas. She had a good trip but on her return said that we had sheltered her,”and the stuff you sheltered me from was bad. Thank you.”

  4. Ella says:

    I was sheltered too and as a result was completely unequipped to deal with issues that came up when I moved a couple of hours away for college. I ended up being forced to take time off after my first year. I’m still damaged from the abusive relationship I found myself in and the mental health and substance abuse problems I developed as a result. I didn’t know how to recognize abusive behavior because I had never seen it or been taught about it before. I’m not saying to let your kids be bullied, but make sure you aren’t sheltering them *too* much. They still need to be educated on alcohol, drugs, healthy relationships, and how to live independently from mommy.

    • Jace says:

      Do you really think someone with a public school education has never found themselves in abusive relationships or dealt with mental health or substance abuse problems? If nothing else, I think the biggest problem with your education was you never learned to take the initiative and teach yourself anything. There are plenty of resources for all of the issues above, that were available even before the time of Google.

What do you think?